Evening thoughts...

Well....It's the end of the 60 day challenge at Yoga. I wasn't as faithful to the Torture Chamber as I should have..but I think I did learn some interesting things about myself. Today I was told by two teachers that it is time for me to move up to the 2nd row. Sometimes my confidence is really good. I know I can rock that 2nd row....and then there are days like today...when I don't want to move past the last row. I don't feel good enough to be in the 2nd row. Some days my right foot comes over my head in Standing Bow...and then there are days where its a struggle to stay balanced. People have told me that they see changes in me..I still see the same person who started this months ago. When I first started this...I would feel good after class...now its a whole other feeling. I guess last July it was about losing weight...now it's about maintaining my sanity..keeping my body in check..and feeling better about myself. For a while I worried that yoga on weekends would upset my daughter...instead of spending my morning making breakfast..I was working on myself at the studio. The other day I asked her if she minded mornings without me...and she said no....and could I please go 6 days because that would be awesome. I didn't expect that answer at all. My entire family is so on board with my yoga that it surprises even me. I have support for what I practice. When I don't go..it seems like everyone can tell. All of this comes to such a surprise to me. I don't know why. I guess those are my weird evening thoughts...time to go to sleep. Another day of getting the kid up early and me taking off to yoga.

Dear Diary....isnt this supposed to get easier???

Oi. Isn't this supposed to be getting easier??? I know I have missed some classes. I some how didn't develop a sinus infection (YAY!!) but I was a mess last weekend. The past couple of days when I go in I have to have a stash of tissues because somewhere along the line of poses my nose will start running and I cant quite breathe through my nose. Eeewww..I know. I think that's why I've been struggling this week. I haven't done well with the standing series. I either sit out the Triangle pose or the second set. I cant wait to get this ickiness out of my system for good. I think after 8 months I'm starting to actually feel some of the stretch in some poses. I feel the ache in my calf muscles after trying to reach my toes and touch my head to the floor now. I'm making a better to touch my feet rather than the front of the towel. I haven't heard the voice in my head to try a Toe this week. Maybe it'll come back next week. Talk to y'all later.

14 ounces.....3-6-11

Not a good day. My lower back hurt today in class. I was thinking in my head today in class...asking myself..."What are you stressing about?" I have no answer. It should have been fun. Isabel was teaching today and I love listening to her voice as she tells us what to do next. I had 9 hours sleep. 9 HOURS!! I don't know when the last time THAT happened. I think I'm going to aim for 7 hours tonight. It's almost like I either have too much or too little sleep. I haven't found that good number yet. I didn't even feel like attempting Toe today. I acquired my Camel..but it didn't seem quite all there today. I think we have reached the middle of the 60 day challenge. I have missed 4 days out of the past 3 weeks...I hope it's 3 weeks. I just know it's almost like Groundhog day for me...Get up..get dressed...give The Kid some cereal and juice and turn on the TV for her. Now she's checking my bag before I leave.." Do you have your coconut water mommy?" I get home..and either make lunch or do some quiet chores until Ray gets up. I know this is a challenge for a reason..and I guess I'm in that frustrated realm of it. This morning I couldn't see myself in the mirror. Another person came in late and was in my direct way. Maybe that was the problem.  I know it'll get better...I just got to keep looking in the mirror everyday and take a deep inhale and breath. Talk to y'all tomorrow.

14 ounces 3-4-11

Once again since I stiffed myself on my water yesterday I drank more water this morning in class. My Standing Bow is so out of wack!! Last week I could stay in it for 10-15 seconds at a stretch and today I felt like I just couldn't get into it. I'm still working on that damn Toe Stand. It still looks like a bunch of limbs in a broken box...and yes I said Damn It as my left leg hit the floor. I think I'm still hesitating just before I get into Camel pose. I'm also still moving my hands around while I'm trying to hold onto my heels. I sat out the first set of Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee. My head does not want to touch my knee! I squash the belly all around and tuck my head...and nothing!! Grr...Tomorrow right? See y'all later... now where's my water???

8 oz of water...5.5 oz of vitamin water 3/3/11

Today was a better day in class. I didn't sit out any postures. YAY!! Sometimes I sit out either Triangle or Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee. I keep struggling to make the head to knee contact. The good news is that I can make them both touch during Head to Knee with Stretching Pose. Yes...a simple posture...but not for this fat girl who cant reach her foot. I have to bend my knee up..make it touch and THEN push my leg into the ground. Whatever it takes to get me there. I didn't fall out of either Camel pose today..ANOTHER YAY!!! I think I felt a really good stretch today. I'm trying not to feel rushed as I push my hips back so I can grab my heels. My brain is still thinking that I may just fall backwards instead of grabbing for my heels. Maybe I'm thinking too much...that's nothing unusual. I tried to get into Toe again. Sigh....that's going to be a few more weeks of work. I feel like my limbs are all over the place and don't know where to be at when I actually pick up my heel. It's not a pretty sight..I look like a box of broken limbs that are thrown in a box and the box is about to fall apart because it wasn't folded together correctly.  I even threw a little "Damn it" really quietly into the room when my knees hit the floor. Oh well. There's always tomorrow. The coffee is done brewing and I want a cup. Talk to y'all later.
;)

Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.

I found this in my fortune cookie yesterday and it settled in my heart. I actually taped it to my computer so I would read my newest mantra daily. I guess I've been feeling a little crappy lately and I didn't know why. My life is good. My shower was having issues and maybe thinking it was going to burst at any moment really took something out of me. I've been trying to let myself not react to different situations. In the past...the shower issue would have driven me to tears and a stomachache due to stress. This time it was just frustration that I didn't know how to fix it and how would my family and I shower. So yes...I became the idiot because I let all that stress rob me of my peace. Which in turn let me have a crappy class yesterday. It wasn't my best and I while I was glad I made it..I didn't quite get the full benefits because..I don't know...stress in the back of my brain? Well...today was a new day. I just let the crap go..and just went with it today. I think I may have missed out on what Kaci was saying from time to time..because my mind wandered away from me. I lost focus and was thinking about something that had no use to me in that room and I had to bring it back. I did...and my brain spoke to me before Toe stand...I swear I heard a voice say in my brain..."just try it..go for it...the worse that'll happen is that you'll land on your ass or knee..or its going to look weird..but you NEED to try it". Times like this I wish I could turn around and see if someone is whispering in my ear..because I swear I heard it out loud. So i dropped down and somehow picked up my ankle or something..I forgot what I was supposed to pick up.. I looked real quick and saw that my left foot was right up against my right arm and I didn't know how to adjust it to make it not touch while holding on to the floor. I was also suddenly aware that my toes were feeling something..but I wasn't sure what they were doing...but I fell forward onto my knees and that was the end of my 3 attempt at Toe. At least I tried...I let go of the fear of looking like a fool in class and the fear of falling out of it. I guess its better to say I tried instead of saying I'm half way there. I didn't fall out of my Camel poses today. The fear in that pose is that I'll let go of my feet and I'm going to collapse. It's slowing going away. I just tell myself to go slow and ease in to it. Yes, it does feel like the whole class is one climb up a mountain to do that ONE pose. Tomorrow will be another day...and another day to repeat my mantra to myself. Who really knew that when I first fell in love with No Fear  19 years ago..it would turn into my life's mantras. See y'all tomorrow. ;)

2-26-11....90 min vacay from the cold.

This winter I am very thankful I have Yoga...why??? I get to spend 90 minutes in a 99 degree room sweating my ass off while outside its 48 degrees outside. Do we really need any other explanation?? I was telling my friend George this past Thursday I think yoga is another reason why I haven't become depressed this winter. You get heat, a bright room to stretch out in, be sweaty and you get to wear shorts while the rest of world are little ice cubes. The challenge has been just that...a challenge. I missed 3 days..and I first I felt a little down about it, but I figure I'll fail if I don't go back at all. So some poses have been easier to get into. My break through this week was the Camel pose. FREAKING FINALLY!! However, I did jinx myself this morning. I couldn't seem to get my hips to go back so I could reach my ankles...and when I did move my head up..I swear I felt like I had a baseball bat smack me between my eyes. I don't know what was the cause of it...but it made me feel like shit for about 5 minutes. I pretty much held my head until the pain passed. After that class was good. It has been packed for the past few classes and I cant wait until I can go at noon. It's been pretty cool knowing that my day involves yoga. I think Ray is probably tired of me talking about class when he wakes up..but I don't think he minds too much. I hope tomorrow's Camel is better than today's. I'm too damn cold to think anymore. See you tomorrow.

Challenges abound

Sorry I hadn't been blogging as much...life sucks and you forget what your responsibilities are. Well..its another day...and guess what??? Its ANOTHER challenge!!! Yup...I'm in yet another challenge!!! This time this one is more personal and something I wanted to do last year, but I was picked for the SBL2...so I wasn't able to fully commit. This challenge is to do 60 days of yoga!! My original intention was to start doing yoga 5 days a week..but Kaci said I may as well sign up and do the challenge...and she was right..what was 2 more days?  I had a set-back yesterday as I woke up to hear my 6 year old tossing her cookies in the bathroom. I had 3 days in a row prior to yesterday. I had never done any days of yoga in a row before. It had been usually 3 days on for Carl and the other 3 days for yoga, one double and one day off. At least this is easier since I just go at 9:15 Mon-Fri and 10:00 on the weekends. The Boy has a new work schedule so there is no need for him to race home on weekend mornings so I can make it to class. I definitely missed yesterdays class. My hips didn't want to move as good as the other days..and to make matters worse...I took half a Ambien yesterday because I took a long nap and I didn't want to be up late..and then this morning....I walked into my house and my arm turned bright red and starting to itch. I took a benedryl and went to class feeling loopyish. I swear I probably fell asleep somewhere in class when we were doing the floor series. I guess my lesson today is don't take the Ambien and just make do with less sleep. If I have to take a quick allergy pill if a itch pops up I'll be able to deal with it better. It sucked that on Tuesday I went through class with only a tiny sip of water after Eagle. It was awesome to bring home water! Today....I swear that damn allergy pill was stuck in my throat during the whole class and I kept drinking water not because I was thirsty...it was because the pill wouldn't move. I was bummed because Tuesday was so great and today wasn't so much. Oh well...There's always tomorrow. See you later everyone!!! Oh...and it was announced today that there will be more classes added to the schedule!!!YAY!!!!!

Saturday Morning...

Today was a most interesting day. Today was going to be packed at the studio...I had a feeling. I woke up early and  took off. I got there and WOW! It was packed inside way more than Thanksgiving morning! They were setting up 4 rows across and each mat was overlapping and every usable scrap of carpet was covered. I threw my mat and towel down and hoped the fire dept wouldn't be called! There were lines everywhere..to sign in..to use the bathroom..to take shoes off and to even walk into the changing area. The studio was BUZZING!! I was amazed to see all the happy smiling faces at 7:30 in the morning. Everyone was smiling and talking. It was great! I kept my ears open to all the comments.."I've been up since 5:30 am!!"..."There are no windows"..."This studio is beautiful!"..."It's hard to find a babysitter". Everyone had a common goal to be in the chamber to practice and it was amazing...and intimidating. I was getting a little nervous to go in after I checked in...because all the competitors were in there..and I had that moment..where....I was like....OMG....I DONT WANT TO GO IN. I shouldn't be here. There was a girl who said hi to me..and thought I was a competitor..and I told her no..I have only been practicing for 6 months..and that I was from Stockton. She said she was from Elk Grove and was so nice to chat with. I eventually went back into the room..still a little nervous..and I haven't felt that way since the first day I stood outside the studio with my daughter. It turns out the girl who I was talking too....was directly in front of my towel! We started to chat and I thought I was going to have a chance to make a new friend when Dana and Helena made a announcement.People were still trying to find places to lay down mats...when I knew the obvious was coming. "How many people here are competitors?" About half the room raised their hands. " Stockton people...you know we love you....can you please come back at 10:00?". I said I hope to see you later to my new friend and picked up my mat, towel and water and left the chamber. I was a little bummed because I knew it would be an awesome experience...and I would have loved to have chatted with my new friend....but I knew the competitors needed my spot in order to practice. My beloved spot will be there Tuesday morning waiting for me. Even through I only got 5 minutes on my mat. I loved the energy that was running through the studio. I may have left...but I left happy. I went to Starbucks..and got the chance to meet with a friend and tell her about my morning experience. That was how I spent my day..Happy...content...and waiting for Tuesday to come and be in my favorite spot....under the happy yellow flag...or blue...or red...or just in the Chamber happy anywhere I can find...AND....if anyone knows Sandra from the Elk Grove Studio...Please tell her Donna says Hi!!!

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. ~Author Unknown

Today is Thursday. I left early today to secure my spot in the back for class. It wasn't too packed today..but I didn't want to chance not getting a good spot. I know the next couple days are going to crazy due to the Yoga Championship this weekend. I didn't feel as  gummy today so that was good. My allergies must be acting up..because my nose was draining like crazy today. During Camel Pose I swear the nasal drip stuff was running down my throat and into my stomach...Gross yes...but you've been warned about the TMI. I cant seem to get it together during Triangle and Side Lunge poses. I think I need to ice my hip more or get a adjustment because I cant seem to hold those poses. I've been sitting out part of those poses. I held one Triangle pose...then sat out the 2nd one and 1st Side lunge. I keep thinking my foot will slip and I'll go crashing down. My foot felt a slippery spot today and I wasn't feeling confident that it'll stay. I'll try again tomorrow for sure. I think that's all today. Have a happy Thursday everyone!

1-11-11

Hehehe....I had to write that. Even through it's 12:07 am....11-12-11. I made my way to yoga on this chilly day. At least I can get a 90 minute break from this freaking cold weather in the yoga room. Today was a iffy day since I didn't hydrate as much yesterday and I only went 2 days last week. BOO!! Bad Donna!!! I knew it wasn't going to be pretty..but I knew it was better than being at home and sleeping. I didn't have as much water as I should have and because of that I felt gummy. Not very movable at all! The first stretches were okay..I wasn't able to come down as much as I usually can...and oh yeah. The room is packed right now. I think I was only able to look at a sliver of my right eye on occasion. My concentration was a little off. I looked at the yellow flag above my head at times...or the stereo equipment. ;) Either way...I gave it what I could. My left hip is a little iffy...and so I couldn't pull my knee to my head on some occasions or hold Triangle. I know it's all about going in on a regular basis...and I know how it feels when everything is working correctly..and the only way it works is putting my words into actions. So that's what I'll do until I have my yoga high again...because when you finally get that yoga high....Life feels pretty damn good...and that's what I'm aiming for. Talk to you later....and thanks for reading. ;)

1-4/5-2011

I know the SBL is over....I'm still going to keep my blog going. I figure some of you came this far with me...stay a while if you want. Plus..I figure I can keep blogging on my yoga practice and how I feel in general. I went back yesterday because The Kid went back to school. My back was hurting in the worst way for the past week. I wonder why? I didn't go to yoga due to Christmas stuff and I was sick last week. It literally hurt for me to roll over in bed. I went back in the yoga room with a mind and back that felt like it was waving a surrender flag. I give up...I know yoga will ease my pain within a few days. I surrender to the heat. I hope it eases my anxiety filled brain and back. Both need help. See ya tomorrow.