Dear Diary....isnt this supposed to get easier???

Oi. Isn't this supposed to be getting easier??? I know I have missed some classes. I some how didn't develop a sinus infection (YAY!!) but I was a mess last weekend. The past couple of days when I go in I have to have a stash of tissues because somewhere along the line of poses my nose will start running and I cant quite breathe through my nose. Eeewww..I know. I think that's why I've been struggling this week. I haven't done well with the standing series. I either sit out the Triangle pose or the second set. I cant wait to get this ickiness out of my system for good. I think after 8 months I'm starting to actually feel some of the stretch in some poses. I feel the ache in my calf muscles after trying to reach my toes and touch my head to the floor now. I'm making a better to touch my feet rather than the front of the towel. I haven't heard the voice in my head to try a Toe this week. Maybe it'll come back next week. Talk to y'all later.

14 ounces.....3-6-11

Not a good day. My lower back hurt today in class. I was thinking in my head today in class...asking myself..."What are you stressing about?" I have no answer. It should have been fun. Isabel was teaching today and I love listening to her voice as she tells us what to do next. I had 9 hours sleep. 9 HOURS!! I don't know when the last time THAT happened. I think I'm going to aim for 7 hours tonight. It's almost like I either have too much or too little sleep. I haven't found that good number yet. I didn't even feel like attempting Toe today. I acquired my Camel..but it didn't seem quite all there today. I think we have reached the middle of the 60 day challenge. I have missed 4 days out of the past 3 weeks...I hope it's 3 weeks. I just know it's almost like Groundhog day for me...Get up..get dressed...give The Kid some cereal and juice and turn on the TV for her. Now she's checking my bag before I leave.." Do you have your coconut water mommy?" I get home..and either make lunch or do some quiet chores until Ray gets up. I know this is a challenge for a reason..and I guess I'm in that frustrated realm of it. This morning I couldn't see myself in the mirror. Another person came in late and was in my direct way. Maybe that was the problem.  I know it'll get better...I just got to keep looking in the mirror everyday and take a deep inhale and breath. Talk to y'all tomorrow.

14 ounces 3-4-11

Once again since I stiffed myself on my water yesterday I drank more water this morning in class. My Standing Bow is so out of wack!! Last week I could stay in it for 10-15 seconds at a stretch and today I felt like I just couldn't get into it. I'm still working on that damn Toe Stand. It still looks like a bunch of limbs in a broken box...and yes I said Damn It as my left leg hit the floor. I think I'm still hesitating just before I get into Camel pose. I'm also still moving my hands around while I'm trying to hold onto my heels. I sat out the first set of Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee. My head does not want to touch my knee! I squash the belly all around and tuck my head...and nothing!! Grr...Tomorrow right? See y'all later... now where's my water???

8 oz of water...5.5 oz of vitamin water 3/3/11

Today was a better day in class. I didn't sit out any postures. YAY!! Sometimes I sit out either Triangle or Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee. I keep struggling to make the head to knee contact. The good news is that I can make them both touch during Head to Knee with Stretching Pose. Yes...a simple posture...but not for this fat girl who cant reach her foot. I have to bend my knee up..make it touch and THEN push my leg into the ground. Whatever it takes to get me there. I didn't fall out of either Camel pose today..ANOTHER YAY!!! I think I felt a really good stretch today. I'm trying not to feel rushed as I push my hips back so I can grab my heels. My brain is still thinking that I may just fall backwards instead of grabbing for my heels. Maybe I'm thinking too much...that's nothing unusual. I tried to get into Toe again. Sigh....that's going to be a few more weeks of work. I feel like my limbs are all over the place and don't know where to be at when I actually pick up my heel. It's not a pretty sight..I look like a box of broken limbs that are thrown in a box and the box is about to fall apart because it wasn't folded together correctly.  I even threw a little "Damn it" really quietly into the room when my knees hit the floor. Oh well. There's always tomorrow. The coffee is done brewing and I want a cup. Talk to y'all later.
;)

Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.

I found this in my fortune cookie yesterday and it settled in my heart. I actually taped it to my computer so I would read my newest mantra daily. I guess I've been feeling a little crappy lately and I didn't know why. My life is good. My shower was having issues and maybe thinking it was going to burst at any moment really took something out of me. I've been trying to let myself not react to different situations. In the past...the shower issue would have driven me to tears and a stomachache due to stress. This time it was just frustration that I didn't know how to fix it and how would my family and I shower. So yes...I became the idiot because I let all that stress rob me of my peace. Which in turn let me have a crappy class yesterday. It wasn't my best and I while I was glad I made it..I didn't quite get the full benefits because..I don't know...stress in the back of my brain? Well...today was a new day. I just let the crap go..and just went with it today. I think I may have missed out on what Kaci was saying from time to time..because my mind wandered away from me. I lost focus and was thinking about something that had no use to me in that room and I had to bring it back. I did...and my brain spoke to me before Toe stand...I swear I heard a voice say in my brain..."just try it..go for it...the worse that'll happen is that you'll land on your ass or knee..or its going to look weird..but you NEED to try it". Times like this I wish I could turn around and see if someone is whispering in my ear..because I swear I heard it out loud. So i dropped down and somehow picked up my ankle or something..I forgot what I was supposed to pick up.. I looked real quick and saw that my left foot was right up against my right arm and I didn't know how to adjust it to make it not touch while holding on to the floor. I was also suddenly aware that my toes were feeling something..but I wasn't sure what they were doing...but I fell forward onto my knees and that was the end of my 3 attempt at Toe. At least I tried...I let go of the fear of looking like a fool in class and the fear of falling out of it. I guess its better to say I tried instead of saying I'm half way there. I didn't fall out of my Camel poses today. The fear in that pose is that I'll let go of my feet and I'm going to collapse. It's slowing going away. I just tell myself to go slow and ease in to it. Yes, it does feel like the whole class is one climb up a mountain to do that ONE pose. Tomorrow will be another day...and another day to repeat my mantra to myself. Who really knew that when I first fell in love with No Fear  19 years ago..it would turn into my life's mantras. See y'all tomorrow. ;)